Diana Vernon, Headmistress of Woldingham
School, looks at the opportunities and experiences that a boarding
education can provide
I loved boarding and now, having
entered the teaching profession as a second career, I feel very
privileged to be running my own boarding school.
We’ve all read horror stories of boarding schools
and seen tear-jerking documentaries about children ‘abandoned’ by their
parents at school. These naturally suit our ‘politically correct’ age,
pulling at the emotional heartstrings of parents and providing a
sensationalist read. For all of those who hated their time at boarding school
there are many, many more who enjoyed it and thrived in such an
environment. It’s time to set the record straight and present an
alternative and more balanced view of boarding then (over 20 years
ago), and also to put that in perspective and look at boarding today.
Apart
from the sheer fun that I had at school there were obvious, tangible,
benefits. Most notably, these were a far greater appreciation of home,
independence, life-long friendships, tolerance and broad opportunities.
There
is no doubt that my relationship with my mother improved immeasurably
once I was away at school. She was no longer the ogre who had to nag me
to complete my homework or to get to bed on time. She became the person
I went shopping with, who ferried me to see my friends in the holidays
and who let me camp in the garden when friends came to stay with me.
She became my friend and confidante.
Boarding school
gave me a wonderful feeling of independence. I learnt this independence
gently, with support all around should I falter at any time. I had to
make sure that I was in the right place at the right time, I had to
look after my books and clothes. I could choose what I wanted to do
and, within reason, when. It was a liberating feeling and gave me
confidence – excellent preparation for university and beyond.
I
made lifelong friends. I am godmother to their children and remain in
regular contact with many of them. My friends were (and are) not of any
one particular type. They were bright, they were sporty, they were
extroverts, they were not so bright, they were not so sporty and they
were introverts. Whatever our interests and strengths we all knew each
other and were all there for each other. We helped each other through
the minor teenage hiccups – boyfriend problems, spot problems, dress
problems – and the far more serious and devastating incidents such as
the death of a friend or a parent.
I learnt tolerance, how to
live in a community, how to get on with people and how to respect
people for their differences. I learnt to appreciate that beneath an
unpromising exterior was always a different opinion or perspective
worth listening to. What better preparation for sharing an open-plan
office and having to put up with other people’s foibles and
idiosyncrasies and for understanding and motivating work colleagues in
later life.
There were so many opportunities, and there are even
more in today’s schools. I can only imagine the restrictions imposed by
travelling to and from school each day, the lack of opportunity for all
those extracurricular activities and too little time for chatting and
gossiping with my friends in the evenings (and inevitably after lights
out!). Not that we had to be busy the whole time, we also had time to
ourselves to read or write diaries or just ‘be’. The jokes and
camaraderie that still remain over 20 years on as we reminisce about
various incidents at school are built mainly on situations that were
not in the classroom but after supper in the evenings or at weekends.
Yes
I was a bit homesick – but thank goodness I was homesick aged 11 rather
than aged 18 when I went away to university, as many of my fellow
students were.
I cannot deny that our dormitories were dreadful
and wouldn’t pass muster by today’s cushy standards. We were used to
bare floorboards, no heating (ice on the inside of the windows in the
morning!) and no posters or pin-ups on the walls – simply rather
austere portraits of Victorian ladies and Bishops. We also had strict
routines for baths and hair washing and I wouldn’t have dreamt of
talking to any of the staff if I had a problem. We only had one
telephone for three hundred girls to share so I hardly spoke to my
parents during the term, but I wrote letters and received them. Today
there are carpets on the floors, personal photos and posters festoon
the walls, bath rotas are non-existent, staff are more approachable,
email, text-messages and telephone calls are almost constant, parents
visit far more regularly and weekend exeats are generally more flexible.
Times have changed. Parents and children have different demands and requirements. Schools, and in particular boarding schools,
have developed phenomenally to keep abreast and ahead of changing
family, social and intellectual demands. Only the other day I read an
article stating that children are the major decision-makers in
families. Schools consider their pupils’ emotional and spiritual needs
far more than ever before. Peer counselling schemes, pupil
representatives, personal tutors, school counsellors and PSHE
(personal, social and health education) programmes are now standard
practice. The individual is nurtured and developed to enable each and
every student to reach his or her potential.
I value my contact
with the girls in my school considerably and encourage them to come and
talk to me. They and I have the time as we are here in the evenings and
at weekends. I am much happier making decisions ultimately for their
benefit having had their input (either directly or indirectly). I
respect their viewpoints – they are intelligent and sensitive. I might
not always agree with their suggestions or opinions and, if
appropriate, am happy to explain why not. I had huge respect for my
headmistress; I hope that the girls in my own school have respect for
me, but I also hope that they find me approachable.
Somewhere,
somehow, teenagers have to learn that you don’t have to compromise your
individuality by acting as the occasion demands. One of the huge
advantages of boarding school is that the pupils see
the staff not only in official ‘work’ mode, but also in ‘relaxed’ mode
– in jeans at the weekends, with their own children, joining in the
school aerobathon and so on. Most adult role models are either social (ie family and friends) or work (ie teachers or work experience); boarding school provides both from the same individuals.
Boarding provided me with huge opportunities, a joie de vivre
and an ‘accelerated start’ in life, over 20 years ago. The standards
and provision have improved considerably since then, it’s time to
redress the jaded perception that many people have of boarding, based
on a few shocking stories. Today’s boarding school
children are nurtured by their parents and nurtured by their
Housemistresses/masters. They have a wonderful quality of life, many
more opportunities to communicate with home and go home (if there isn’t
something more exciting happening at school) than ever before and a
greater chance to develop their own independence and confidence in
preparation for life beyond school. In this increasingly competitive
and demanding world boarding is an opportunity not to be missed.
A version of this article appeared in The Daily Telegraph, June 16th 2001
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